Rest Isn’t Optional—It’s Essential
Have you ever had a day off and felt anxious about it?
I have a few friends like this: they crave a day away from the office, but once they have that day, they begin to worry about work emails, checking them to see if any are emergencies, or they feel guilt for sitting around, relaxing and doing their own thing. This infuriates me.
Do you wear phrases like “I’m too busy” or “back to the grind” as a badge of honor?
Yet, when it comes to relaxing and resting, your game just isn't that great? You’re not alone. One study found that 30% to 50% of individuals experience stress when they try to relax (Heide & Borkovec, 1983). This phenomenon, known as relaxation-induced anxiety, highlights how even efforts to unwind can paradoxically increase distress.
In another study conducted with 100 college students, researchers found that extraverts relax more easily than introverts. Relaxation, the authors note, is a conscious attempt to bring the brain and body back to baseline (Sharma, 2011).
There’s a pervasive myth in our culture that we can always “do more.”
However, have you ever stopped to think, does my body agree with this message? Many of us move quickly from one accomplishment to the next, without savoring the moment. Devon Price (2021), author of Laziness Does Not Exist, explains that the opposite of savoring is dampening: “Dampening occurs when we suck the life out of a positive experience by distracting ourselves from it, worrying about the future, or focusing on small imperfections we ought to just ignore.” Expert savorers, according to Price, also engage in reminiscing about great moments from their past. Practice this yourself! Recall a recent moment where the emotions may have been positive, but you skipped right over it. Imagine the emotion, pride, happiness, whatever it is, and imagine it spreading throughout your body for about 10 seconds. It’s a great feeling, isn’t it?
When we don’t make time to relax, it can bleed into our functioning.
Zoning out might be our body’s desperate attempt at rest. Sometimes the most radical thing you can do is ask for help. Delegating tasks doesn’t mean giving up control—it means others can build mastery while you reclaim your energy (and probably sanity).
The World Health Organization (2023) defines stress as “a state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation.” Florida State University (n.d.) adds that stress activates the hormone adrenaline, and then signals the body to release ACTH and cortisol in response. Adrenaline keeps us in our fight or flight and does not allow us to return to our baseline, our “default” way of being, we need to turn these hormones off to feel rested. Long term exposure to cortisol leads to anxiety, depression, digestive problems or weight gain, just to name a few, according to the Mayo Clinic (Mayo, 2023).
In Rest Is Resistance, Tricia Hersey (2022) writes that rest is a political act: “It’s a full-on politics of refusal. We have been brainwashed by this system to believe these things about rest, about our bodies, about our worth—this violent culture that wants to see us working 24 hours a day.” Hersey suggests rest can include showering, meditating, daydreaming, drinking tea, listening to music, laughing, or even dancing. Here is a list of pleasant activities that DBT provides that may help us rest . Hershey also links sleep deprivation to health concerns like high blood pressure, heart disease, and diabetes.
Rest isn’t one-size-fits-all. Imagine you find pottery relaxing—until someone says, “Can you make one for my wife?” Suddenly, your peaceful creative outlet becomes a job. How we approach rest matters. According to Scripter (2025), two main factors undermine meaningful rest:
Failed suspension—when we can’t disconnect from our stressors (e.g., checking work emails on vacation), and
Failed rejuvenation—when we do disconnect, but the rest fails to restore us (e.g., an exhausting Disney vacation that feels like planning a wedding).
In my experience, I have noticed that we can be our own enemies when it comes to relaxation. Two themes seem to emerge with my clients. 1) there’s no time and/or 2) I don’t need it! Of course, I have a rebuttal. Remember that in order to “find time” to relax, we must accept that it will not magically appear that we must go out of our way to carve that time out. If you find yourself saying, “I don’t need rest,” then ask yourself, would you teach a child the same thing? What might this mean?
If you find that you are having trouble relaxing, come see us at St. Louis DBT. We’d be happy to help! Contact us here if you’d like to start your journey to relaxation.
This blog was written by Mariah Saldana, MSW, LCSW, a pro-relaxation, pro-nap and anti-burnout, therapist.
References
Florida State University. (n.d.). Biology of stress. https://med.fsu.edu/childStress/biology
Heide, F. J., & Borkovec, T. D. (1983). Relaxation-induced anxiety: Paradoxical anxiety enhancement due to relaxation training. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 51(2), 171–182. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-006X.51.2.171
Hersey, T. (2022). Rest is resistance: A manifesto. Little, Brown Spark.https://www.npr.org/transcripts/1127470930
Price, D. (2021). Laziness does not exist. Atria Books.
Scripter, L. (2025). Meaningful rest. Journal of Applied Philosophy, 42, 1016–1038.https://doi.org/10.1111/japp.70003
Mayo Clinic (2023). https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress/art-20046037