The Value of Values
“Values are not static: they evolve, and they involve a great deal of choice,” - Marsha Linehan in Asserting Yourself
Recently I learned that values are kind of like a “North Star” for our decisions. Values can guide us and making choices that will benefit us and what we want to achieve. After learning this, I had a lot more questions about values.
What's the deal with values and why do they matter?
Values in general, are important to you and what matters to you about life. Values reflect how you choose to live your life and values can be big or little. If we didn't have values we would have little drive, determination, or guideposts to remind us of the things we care about.
When we identify our values, we can have a sense of purpose in life, which in turn, gives us a sense of pride and mastery.
Most of the time people obtain values from the way they were raised. Some of the values that people take on can also come from our culture or even a religion. With this point I want to remind readers that when we look at our values it's important to consider whether a value is our own. What does this mean?
Some of us tend to live our lives to please others, this means taking on their values instead of forming our own. A good question to ask yourself to ensure that a value is your own is to ask yourself, if no one so you acting in accordance with this particular value would you still do it? For example, if picking up trash at the park is an important value (valuing the environment) but you couldn't post online how much trash you picked up, would you still do it?
Values are not goals to “cross off a list”
Values are not goals or outcomes, and they may change over time. Values can be changed from major life events or growing out of a value. The important thing to remember is that our goals can align with a value, but a value is not a goal.
An example of this might be that when you're young, having a good time and enjoying a life of travel, freedom and exploration may be of value. As you grow older your value of freedom might change into valuing family and stability in one place.
What should I value?
So, what do we value? That is up to you. What in life is your highest priority, and what direction in your life do you want to go in? Alternatively, you can think about things that you don't value in your life right now. By having values, we can learn what specific goals we need to work on to get closer to our values. You can value education, helping others, becoming wealthy, or finding a spiritual side of yourself.
This may seem overwhelming. There’s a lot of values out there! What may be helpful is to look at the values that are already present in your own life. Maybe right now, you’re in school, so you might value being an educated person.
In DBT, we look at our values so that we can act within our values. Every action that we take is like a dollar towards our “values bank account” inside ourselves.
Where can I find Values?
Ready to consider your values? If you’re interested in considering what you value, check out this list and consider picking out 3-5 values that matter most to you.
Values List
Acceptance
Achievement
Adventure
Authenticity
Balance
Beauty
Belonging
Calmness
Compassion
Connection
Courage
Creativity
Curiosity
Dependability
Discipline
Education
Empathy
Excellence
Faith
Family
Flexibility
Forgiveness
Freedom
Friendship
Fun
Generosity
Gratitude
Growth
Health
Honesty
Humor
Independence
Integrity
Justice
Kindness
Leadership
Learning
Love
Loyalty
Mindfulness
Nature
Persistence
Purpose
Respect
Responsibility
Security
Self-Respect
Service
Spirituality
Stability
Success
Trust
Wisdom
Work-Life Balance
Community
Innovation
Patience
Peace
Reliability
Meaning
When you’ve decided on a few values of your own, observe if you’re currently working towards goals that fit that value, or if you’re acting in accordance with that value. Do your answers surprise you, and if you are not pleased with your answer, what small thing can you do today to align yourself with your values?